Here in Red Dear

Well here I am at a friends

Probably for the last time ... it has not been the best of trips thus far as her boy friend and friends from PG visiting seem to be more interested in smoking dope than being productive.. and that is no longer my scene, not to mention it seems to be that everything happening is revolving aroung these friends they get the new room I stay on the couch where I have been since I got here.. it feels like I am kind of an afterthought. It is so funny because for a while this is how my life was I didn't realize how bad I must of looked to everyone.. but it is a good taste of reality . She had moved on and was doing quite well for herself she had lost weight and had a job was looking to go back to school that was about a year ago... now she is engaged living in a dump and has gone down hill... she is stressing today because they were evicted and have to move... well actually their lease was not renewed, but instead of packing everyday a bit they started two days ago they have known for a month and informed me before I arrived... I assumed they would be a bit more organized should of known though... now her friends helping have disappeared and left me with her and she is bitchy. As for me I have been getting out with her friend and her boys and husband and have had fun with them but this sucks... I don't really want to be here anymore.... she tried to play a guilt trip on me but there is zero guilt they need to get there shit together I refuse to be pulled down that road again!

I wrote this....

you were doing so well
had a story to tell
you finally had become the person I knew you could be

I was so happy for you
and who you 'd become
you looked like you were finally free

but h ere you are
a few months on
and all the motivation now seems to be gone

Only whineing to tell
your lifes gone to hell
to see you like this destroys me

He babys you
doesnt motivate you
and you are ten steps back

in the room smoking dope
not working
and lost

I know you are ill
but you were not letting it win
now here you are fading half of who you were
you have given in

he is doin shrooms
you smokin dope to cope
you are lost again

A little girl in a big girls world
I can't stand to see this anymore
neither can others and they have left

soon I to will be gone for ever

I don't need a looser as a friend

and i f you cry when you read this
i am sure you will again think I am a jerk
but hun I will tell you now
life isn't easy and the truth hurts

it could be near to the end...

but if you need me I will return until then....


Gotta help later - J